My Son With Down Syndrome Had Only Been at His New School for Five Days When I Got a Call About Two Police Officers

“He’s doing great at home,” I said. “He’s reading at a second-grade level. His math is coming along.”

“I know. You’ve done an incredible job.” She looked at Ethan, who was sitting on the exam table explaining to her nurse why a Stegosaurus was not a Triassic dinosaur. “But he needs more than academics. He needs opportunities to socialize with children his own age. Real ones. Every day. Not just at church.”

“I tried that. Remember? Pre-K.”

“I remember. And that wasn’t the right fit.” She leaned forward. “I’m not talking about a special education classroom. I’m talking about a regular one. With support. A general education fourth-grade class, with an aide and an IEP.”

I stared at her.

“Give him a chance to make friends,” she said. “Give him a chance to be part of a classroom. He’s ready, Julia. I think he’s been ready for a while.”


My husband and I were nervous. That’s an understatement.

We talked about it every night for a week. What if they’re cruel to him? What if he gets lost? What if he gets overwhelmed? What if he hugs the wrong kid and somebody’s parent complains?

“What if he’s lonely for the rest of his life,” Steven finally said, “because we were too scared to let him try?”

That ended the conversation.


But Ethan couldn’t have been happier.

When I told him, he jumped up and down in the kitchen so hard the dishes rattled. He ran upstairs and came back down with his backpack, a blue one with a T. rex on it that he’d been carrying around the house for two years “just in case.”

“When do I go?” he asked. “Tomorrow? Can I go tomorrow?”

“Not tomorrow, buddy. We have to do some paperwork first.”

I had no idea how much paperwork.


The Round Rock Independent School District did not want Ethan in a regular fourth-grade classroom.

They didn’t say it like that. They said it in meetings. In conference rooms with fluorescent lights and a pitcher of water nobody drank. With a special education coordinator, a school psychologist, a speech therapist, an assistant principal, and a woman from the district office named Dr. Lorraine Pickett who took notes on a laptop and never smiled.

They tested him for two weeks. IQ tests, reading tests, behavior assessments. Then they sat us down at a long table and told us what they recommended.

A “life skills” classroom. At a different school, twenty minutes away. With eight other kids with significant disabilities. Mainstreaming for art, music, and PE only.

“We believe this is the most appropriate placement,” Dr. Pickett said. “Given his cognitive profile.”


I almost said yes. I want to be honest about that.

I was so tired. And they were the experts. And they had charts and graphs and numbers. And maybe they were right. Maybe a regular classroom was too much for him.

Then Steven put his hand on the table.

“Can I ask a question?” he said. “Did any of you actually talk to him?”

Dr. Pickett looked up from her laptop.

“I mean really talk to him,” Steven said. “Not test him. Talk to him. Because if you did, he’d have told you he wants a friend. That’s all. He just wants a friend. And you want to send him twenty minutes away to a room with eight kids who mostly can’t talk.”

Nobody at the table said anything.


We didn’t sign the IEP that day.

Instead, I went home and spent three nights reading about the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. The federal law. I learned a phrase I’d never heard before. Least restrictive environment.

It meant that schools are supposed to educate kids with disabilities alongside kids without disabilities, as much as possible. It meant a child should only be removed from a regular classroom if, even with aids and supports, they can’t make progress there.

Nobody had even tried the supports. They’d just looked at his test scores and decided.


We hired a special education advocate. A woman named Rosa Ibarra, who’d fought the district for her own daughter fifteen years earlier and now did it for other families. She charged eighty-five dollars an hour. We paid it out of the money we’d been saving for a new roof.

Rosa came to the next IEP meeting with a binder three inches thick. She quoted federal law. She quoted court cases. She quoted the district’s own policy manual back to them, page by page.

Two meetings later, the district agreed.

Ethan would attend Deer Creek Elementary, our neighborhood school, five minutes from our house. A general education fourth-grade classroom. With a full-time paraprofessional aide, speech therapy twice a week, and a modified curriculum in reading and math.

Starting the second Monday in October.

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