Ho ho ho! Ready to kick off your holiday season with a hearty laugh? These Christmas jokes are sure to have you laughing louder than Santa’s jolly belly shake. So grab your eggnog, get cozy, and enjoy these Santa-approved jokes. Warning: Excessive laughter, snort-laughing, and spontaneous caroling may occur. Proceed with caution… and cookies!

1. The Christmas Scheme

Mike was at it again—his annual Christmas prank to get his kids home for the holidays. As his wife Janet watched with a mischievous smile, Mike dialed their 20-year-old son Ryan, trying to sound serious.

“Hey, kiddo… your mother and I are getting a divorce,” Mike said dramatically.

“WHAT?” Ryan’s voice cracked so loudly that the neighbor’s cat nearly fell off the windowsill. “Dad, you can’t be serious! You just posted matching Christmas sweater pictures!”

“Dead serious. Can’t stand looking at her cookbooks anymore. Three hundred and forty-two sugar cookie recipes is where I draw the line. Call your sister in Sydney. I’m done talking about it.”

Ryan immediately called his sister, Ashley, nearly dropping his phone in a panic. “Dad’s lost it! They’re getting divorced over a cookbook!”

Ashley freaked out, and both kids quickly booked flights to return home, thinking they needed to save Christmas. Meanwhile, Mike and Janet shared a laugh—both kids were buying their own tickets!

“Should we tell them this is how we got them to come to Thanksgiving, too?” Janet asked through giggles.

“Nah,” Mike grinned. “Let’s save that trick for Easter!”

2. The Christmas Angel’s Miracle

Eleanor, who worked in the Dead Letter Office, was used to strange mail, but one letter caught her attention: “Dear God, I’m Martha, 85 years old, and I’m running low on miracles. Someone stole my purse with my entire month’s pension, and now I can’t even afford cranberry sauce for Christmas dinner.”

Eleanor shared the letter with her coworkers, and by lunch, they’d collected $116 to help Martha. After Christmas, they received another letter from Martha thanking them for the miracle. “The dinner was divine,” she wrote. “Even my arthritis felt better. But I think someone skimmed $4 off the top… Maybe check with Santa’s naughty list!”

3. North Pole Chaos

It was a chaotic Christmas Eve at the North Pole. “Code Red! Code Red!” Junior Elf Timothy squeaked into the intercom. “Four senior elves down with candy cane flu! The toy production line looks like modern art!”

Santa rubbed his temples, surveying the chaos—Rudolph was organizing a reindeer union strike, Dancer was in labor, and Prancer had eloped with a moose. To top it off, Mrs. Claus was bringing a fruitcake collection that had set off airport security last year.

Just when Santa thought it couldn’t get worse, a tiny angel showed up with a massive Christmas tree. “Special delivery!” she beamed, trying to lift the tree. “Where would you like me to stick it?”

And that’s why Christmas trees have angels on top—sporting alarmed expressions and questioning their life choices!

4. Heavenly Volume Control

At Grandma Rose’s house, Tommy and Jack were getting ready for Christmas Eve. As Tommy knelt to pray, he listed his extravagant Christmas wishes, shouting into the air, “DEAR GOD, I WOULD REALLY LOVE A NEW XBOX… AND A REMOTE CONTROL DINOSAUR THAT BREATHES FIRE…”

Jack, rolling his eyes, whispered, “Dude, volume control! God’s not streaming on Spotify!”

Tommy replied with a grin, “Yeah, but Grandma’s hearing aid’s been acting up since she tried to bluetooth it to her toaster!”

5. The Shopping Surprise

Linda couldn’t find her husband, Dave, at the crowded mall. After 20 minutes, she called him.

“Where are you?” she asked, exasperated. “The mall closes in an hour!”

“Honey, remember that jewelry store we visited on our first Christmas? I’m here now,” Dave said, his voice softening.

Linda’s heart fluttered. “The one on Fifth Street? Oh my gosh, Dave, you didn’t…”

“Well,” Dave paused dramatically, “I’m in the dollar store next door, buying gift bags—three for a dollar!”

6. The Carol Critic

Emma was practicing her scales when her little brother Charlie walked in.

“You should totally join the Christmas choir at school!” Charlie said with a grin.

Emma stopped and asked, “You like my singing?”

“Nah,” Charlie laughed, “But they only perform once a year, and I already know which day to wear my noise-canceling headphones!”

7. The Gift Switch

At the office Christmas party, Tom was showing off the diamond earrings he bought for his wife, Sarah.

“Check it out, man. Cost me a fortune, but worth every penny!” Tom said proudly.

His coworker Steve raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t Sarah ask for that new SUV?”

Tom smirked. “She did, but finding a fake Ford Explorer to fool my mother-in-law was a bigger challenge!”

8. The Budget Tree

“Please, Dad! Can we get a real tree this year?” little Jimmy begged.

“Fine,” Frank said with a sigh, grabbing his axe and wallet. He returned suspiciously fast with a perfect tree.

Jimmy asked, “Did you even use the axe?”

“Nope!” Frank grinned. “The tree lot guy offered a 75% discount when I started inspecting them with it!”

9. The Biblical Bird

Three brothers bragged about their Christmas gifts for their mom. Richie built a mansion, Steve bought a Rolls-Royce, but Joe topped them with a parrot that recited the entire Bible.

Their mom’s thank-you notes arrived a week later:

“Dear Richie: The mansion’s lovely, but I can’t remember which bathroom I left my glasses in.

Dear Steve: The car’s beautiful, but my driver falls asleep during my stories.

Dear Joe: The chicken was small but delicious! Especially with the sage stuffing!”

10. The Window Shopping Incident

Karen spotted the perfect Christmas dress in a store window. “Excuse me,” she called to the saleswoman, “Could I try on the dress in the window?”

The saleswoman gasped. “Absolutely not, Ma’am! We have perfectly good fitting rooms for that sort of thing!”

11. The Santa Hotline

Sophie was battling her sister Madison over Christmas sweaters. “That’s it! I’m calling Santa!” Mom announced.

She dialed her brother Bob, the family’s Santa impersonator, and handed the phone to Sophie. “Santa wants to talk to you,” Bob said in his deepest voice.

Sophie nodded seriously, then grinned, “Santa said Madison’s getting coal this year. Also, check your cookie stash, Mom!”

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There you go! These jokes are sure to bring some much-needed laughter to your holiday season. Share them with family and friends—because laughter is the best gift of all! Ho ho ho!